Is This What You Call A Family
by nibblechops
Summary: Punk Loki going to a gig and being a lil bit depressed implied self harm.


He was leaning against the wall enjoying his final cigarette before he went into the venue. Loki was currently using his 'don't fucking talk to me' face and it was working wonders. Unlike everyone else there tonight Loki had snuck down to midguard especially for this. It was in a way his personal prize for putting up with everyone's shit for the past year. So you could bet your bottom fucking dollar that he was going to enjoy it. Upon hearing the sound of the crowd rushing inside Loki quickly dropped the butt of the cigarette and stamped it out before quickly teleporting inside the venue getting himself a spot at the front. He took a second to look around him and saw that the vast majority of people were in the same position as him, alone, but for the first time in a long time not as lonely.

He waited for about 15 minutes for the bands to set up before the support eventually came on. Loki had not come to see these people so instead of listening he took the opportunity to make sure that no one had caught onto the fact that he wasn't on Asgard. More specifically he wanted to check that Heimdall had not noticed his absence as that would surely put him right in the thick of it. He was thankful that no one had noticed his departure and that his decoy was still sat at a desk reading a book in his usual robes. Fucking hell he hated those bloody robes. He wiped his now sweaty palms on his tight fitting black jeans before giving a quick tug on his jacket sleeves to stop them from riding up. Due to his daze it soon came to his awareness that the final support were on their last song but this time instead of blocking them out he lost himself in the music.

He knew the drill. He had 30 minutes to waste before the headliners started and to Loki right now that was far too long. Using magic to keep his place in a clone form he set off looking around the merch area. The lack of Midgardian culture on Asgard had always disappointed him so right now he was determined to get the best out of it he could. Quickly making money appear into his formerly empty wallet he quickly decided on a few band tee's that he wanted before buying them all. As soon as he had them in his grasp he ripped off his jacket and shirt replacing it with one of them he had just bought and tied the rest around his waist. Then quickly making it to the bar he bought a pint just as the headliner's were about to begin. He merged himself back with the clone and due to the frantic atmosphere that had settled nobody else noticed the change of t-shirt and the sudden pint that he was now sporting. He joined in with the chants all around him and for once Loki felt like he belonged. The lights went down and the opening chords were played.

It was amazing how the music numbed his mind and finally allowed him to lose control of his thoughts. He was here somehow he had made it to come and watch Sleeping With Sirens and suddenly even that thought alone was enough to make a smile spread across his face. He sang along with the lyrics while staring up into the faces of the band members he had only heard through his iPod. He felt as if he was united with every member of the crowd and even though everyone was different in other aspects they all joined together in a bond because of the music and in this moment it blew his mind. He loved the way he could let his hair down and finally feel like there was no pressure mounting on him, no expectations, just music. Loki loved the way the lights would change along with the song; he loved how everywhere he looked people didn't judge him. He never wanted it to end.

The lights went down again and the crowds were all chanting for an encore Loki included. He shouted and shouted until his throat felt like it was being ripped in two but it was all worth it when Kellin emerged once more with the rest of the band with Gabe taking his place behind the drums. The chords that then sounded were those that he knew all too well. A Trophy Father's Trophy Son. It was the song that Loki had really come here for. It was the one song that really mattered to him above the rest of it all. The entirety of his emotions changed and it seemed like the atmosphere of the academy changed with him. Suddenly bright happy eyes were replaced with those of sadness and others had withdrawn into themselves as if reliving memories of a less than happy time. The lyrics started. Everyone screamed along.

Loki threw both of his arms up into the air trying to block memories of Odin and shadows from his mind as he shouted the lyrics. The faint white lines all over his arms stood out in the lights but for now Loki didn't care who saw, he didn't care at all. He carried on shedding tears as he barely whispered 'is this what you call a family?'He was sobbing his heart out but he never stopped singing not once. Loki looked up into the stage once more making brief eye contact with the lead singer but not being put off by someone knowing his weakness. 'Because I'm trying to deal with the pain I don't understand this is this how it ends?' The shouting once again returned and he allowed his anger to flood out of him. 'Is this what you call a family? Is this what you call a family?'

The song ended and the sadness was replaced with cheers. Loki clapped and cheered along with everyone else looking back up at the stage. Drumsticks were thrown and then picks. Loki jumped up and caught one immediately using magic to make it into a necklace and tying it around his neck. The band left the stage leaving everyone to filter out. Loki ran his hands over his face before making his way over to the bar and purchasing another pint to take outside. This time instead of teleporting he walked out of the building and back to his corner before taking another cigarette out of the pack in his pocket. He grabbed the lighter out of his back pocket and lit it before taking a huge drag of the much needed nicotine. He stood there alone for around 10 minutes, enough time to finish his lager and the cig. Without sparing another moment he whipped his jacket back over his arms and teleported back to Asgard ready for what punishment he might face.

He landed safely back in his chambers and forced the clone to disappear before throwing back on his robes and hiding the Midgardian clothing in the back of his wardrobe. He retrieved the necklace with the pick out from under his tunic and brought it into his eye line as he lay back on his bed. He observed it carefully and made sure he knew every detail of the prize before tucking it away again. For a while he just lay there reliving it all again making sure it all happened, and smiling to himself for what he had managed to do. He let all of his worries float away for a few hours and enjoyed himself. But all that came to an end as the reality caught back up with him allowing him to crash back down to a world where perfection was the only thing that was accepted. After all what was he other than the strange kid who couldn't battle to save his life.


End file.
